Holiday Challenge RESULTS

So around 50 days ago I wrote about a holiday challenge I was participating in.  Well, the holidays have come and gone and with them so have 13 lbs been lost, 4.5% body fat gone, 7.75 inches lost, 1.84 lbs lean muscle gained and 16.44 lbs of FAT SHED from my body frame!!!!  If you haven't guessed I am a little excited because since I began to focus on my health and body fat September 24, 2009 I have dropped (and don't want to pick back up) 26 lbs and 8.79% body fat.

But, what makes this time around so different you might ask?  I actually am doing it the right way for the first time.  That makes a huge impact on lifestyle changes, allowing me to change my attitude and relationship with food.  In the past I focused on weight loss programs that only dealt with food and discouraging exercise.  Then I worked at two weight loss camps that, although encouraged exercise, did not allow me to function in the "real world" of balancing a new lifestyle with the stress of school and work. So once I left that safe environment, over time, the weight piled on and the workouts became less.  Now, I am working - collecting data for my dissertation, writing grants, drafting articles, compiling presentations, and interning with a local third sector organization.  To be honest, it is a lot but I am learning to balance that workload with other activities - running, hiking, attempting to learn to climb (with attempting being the key word) - that keep me sane and allow me to see the bigger picture.  Life is not all about work, and this is something that is so easy to lose sight of.  I don't need to devout all waking hours to reading, research, and writing and I can still be a "good successful anthropologist/academic" (whatever the hell that means).  More importantly, I am learning that I don't need to sacrifice my health and happiness to succeed - cause really what is the point of "success" if you are constantly tired and miserable, and is that even really "success"? 

The Tom Venuto book, Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle and The Body Fat Solution were saving graces for me when I first moved to the UK in September.  I have read a lot of the self-help New Age style books like The Secret, part of A New Earth, and The Art of Happiness that talk about the need to be in the present moment and the realize that your thoughts will dictate your future so you need to change your thoughts in order to "be happy."  Now for the most part I get it (well not really A New Earth as I thought he was all over the place, but that will be a BIG digression if I go there so I am not) but it didn't really sink in.  Then I picked up, and finally read, The Body Fat Solution...and you know, I had on of those light bulb moments.  The idea that I needed to set goals, set realistic dates to achieve those goals, and to think about "shedding fat" instead of constantly telling myself that I am "fat", were all factors in my success of ultimate health that made sense.  He focused on the mind first and then set off on the body which most programs neglect.  Then going back and reading his first book Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle gave me all the steps to put those goals in action. 

As the holidays came and went I finally see that I can enjoy life, have some fun, but stick to my own convictions and treat my body in a respectable manner.  This really came out of this challenge and my long and short terms goals of pushing my boundaries.  That is why I wrote the Push-over piece yesterday.  For a long time I was a push-over in my resolve to stick to a healthy life style change - one slip up and I would say screw it and go back to food and drink as a comfort, even though it only made me more uncomfortable.  So to Tom Venuto I say thank you for doing this challenge and helping me to show myself that I can do it.  By August 21, 2010 I should have reached one of my long term goals of fat loss with further goals to come.

Holiday Challenge

(Song for your enjoyment while reading. One of my favorite that gets me going when I am down. And you know you love country in that undercover way!)

In my weight loss post a few weeks back I mentioned a book that really got me to focus make on my my health and mental well-being.  Well that author, Tom Venuto, has created a Holiday Challenge that I accepted on November 22, 2009.  Some of you may be asking yourself, why in the hell would you do that?  Well, I'll tell you why...cause I want to.  The fact that I actually want to makes me excited to do it.  Let me explain.

Holidays can be alot of fun.  Friends, family (if you like yours), booze, food, and jolly good times.  Really, after Halloween the holidays are crammed down our throats as department stores begin to decorate, Christmas music is pumped out 24/7 (starting at Starbucks), and people start to make plans for Christmas parties and holiday travel.  It is all around us and in that frenzy many times we forget about what the holiday season is suppose to be about, along with our own sanity and well being.  We begin to stress over getting others the right present, getting to the stores at the butt crack of down for the right deals (I mean really, who in the hell thinks its a good idea to camp outside of Best Buy for a TV or Nintendo Wii?  I'd rather look for a hot one on the corner and pay $10 bucks more and avoid the insane moms with the strollers who want to run you and you're little dog over, but I'm just sayin), going to all the right Christmas parties, and making sure family members are happy.  So really, the holidays can make you go crazy, have you eating to much, drinking even more, and by the time New Years day rolls around you are tired, bloated, look 3 years older, and all you really want to do is have a lie in - but you can't cause it's the New Year and you need to make that New Year's resolution to drop weight and get into a bikini by summer.  Damn, I'm tired even thinking about it!
 
Sister Big Bone (couldn't embed it -damn copyright across international borders infringement)!

Now, some of you might be thinking "damn Nicole you sound like Scrooge on a good day."  So, let me explain further.  For me the holidays are a time of celebration and mourning.  My family is not that close.  They are not that keen on keeping in touch once you leave the Chicagoland area.  I am never in that area, therefore I tend to be on my own during the holidays.  In the past I traveled and didnt think anything of it - I made this front like I didn't care.  Yet, as I get older I find myself longing for that family connection - no matter how much of a pain in the ass they can be (and are to be honest).   I look at Mike and his family and I see how a family can be.   Yesterday his whole family was over at his Aunt's for Thanksgiving and they skyped him to say hello.  It was like something off of a tv commercial - the whole family is over talking and cooking and the one son is off somewhere else in the world.  But through the wonderful advantages of internet they can be together.  It made me sad as I longed for that with my own family, but I know it will never happen.

However,  instead of me drowning my sorrows in cheap wine and turkey, what I can do is focus on my own goals - and one of the main ones is to get myself in a body that can go long distances and not be in pain.  The holiday challenge seemed like a logical avenue to pursue.  In doing this the holidays are not a time for me to be sad, but instead they become a time where I can learn to enjoy myself in new surroundings with Mike, make new friends, and get out there and explore.


So, I have 50 days to transform my body composition in the hopes of winning a 5-day all inclusive trip to Jamaica.  Do I think I can win it?  Well, HELL YEA I DO!  A body composition challenge focused on body fat lose, not just weight lose, is exactly what I need to keep my spirits and hopes up this holiday season.  I am tired of having to travel to escape confrontation with the holidays.  This Christmas Mike and I go to Spain to be with another friend who has just moved to Europe, but for New Years we will be celebrating it at our flat, with one drink in hand and stomachs flatter (I know that sounds counterproductive but roll with me here).  I wouldn't have it any other way.  As the days go on I will keep updating my status, but know that this challenge was just what the doctor ordered for me this holiday season.  Waddle on friends...

Weight Loss

   Ah the weight loss section.  As a woman living in the Western world issues with weight are almost inevitable.  Being to fat or to thin, not having enough ass or way to much, having to dark or to light of skin, boobs to big or to low - essentially any body part that can be picked apart and viewed as "not right" is constantly on the lips of the media and therefore on the minds of most women.  The ideal Western woman body (white, 5'7, long straight hair, big perky boobs, flat ass, small waist, and 95 lbs) is one that is unachievable for most, yet we all fall victim in trying to reach this unattainable ideal.  Celebrities are constantly in the news defending their "fat ass" or telling their "secret" of a skinny body.  Even Oprah  - one of the most powerful women in the world, I mean she picked and elected our last President for God-sakes - still feels like she has to defend her weight to the world.





I have my own weight issues as many women do. I am not unique in this respect and find it sad and infuriating that weight becomes the focal point of womanhood throughout Western society.  But, my weight loss, gain, loss story is one that is central to my journey and so I tell it as a way to finally get it off my chest.

I was "fat" - not "thick." "big boned," or a "little chunky" but good old fashioned "fat" growing up.  My mom is from the South and my parents owned a take-out rib restaurant so I was around rich, indulgent, enticing food all the time.   I ate when I was hungry, happy, and celebrating.  But, I also ate when I was sad, lonely, and scared.  The latter feelings are ones I felt most of the time.  My mother was a hard person to live with.  Her expectations of us, her kids, were ones that were, and still are, unfeasible.  So I ate, and I keep eating.  The more people told me I was fat, the more I ate.  Why not, I figured if you thought I was fat then I might as well live up to your expectations.  But, I was also tall, really tall, and so I also figured that since I was big one way might as well be big the other way.

Interesting enough I was also athletic and pretty good at the sports I played.  I found solace in volleyball as my height and weight were a benefit - well really the height, the weight just made things harder to do.  But it got me through high school, and living with my mom, and it helped me find an initial niche when I went to college.







OHHH college - I loved every minute of it and hated about half of it.  I entered college at around 270lbs and left weighing 333lbs.  I made friends, went out, drank, learned some stuff in class - everything you associate with college life.  But, I was never truly happy as I always knew I was the "funny fat friend" people could dump their emotions on.  I allowed myself to be a garbage disposal for others emotions (I was use to it with my mom so really didn't know any better) and I turned my body into a dump for food.  I didn't date because I thought I was ugly and fat, and I didn't take care of myself because I thought I wasn't good enough.  Now- before I go further I am not looking for sympathy.   I say these things because at the time they were real and part of my reality.  This was my worldview and everything I did was because this is how I understood myself.  But I digress...

Let's go on.  When I left college I was really unhappy with how I looked, how I felt, and who I was hanging around with.  My family life was not the best and the "friends" I held close to me were fickle to say the least.  I moved down to Louisiana on my own to start my Masters program and this is where I essentially started to change how I saw myself and the world around me. 

I was hot, sweaty, and overall uncomfortable when I first arrived in Baton Rouge.  So, I decided that maybe I needed to lose weight.  I hadn't weighed myself in years, afraid of what the scale would say - "YOU'RE FAT DUDE!"  When I stepped on the scale, that is what it said.  333lbs.  Now, that is alot of goddamn weight for a 22 year old ex-college athlete to hold, even at 6'3".  So I joined LA weight loss and dropped over 80 lbs with them in 2 years.  Interestingly, I didn't really learn how to balance diet and exercise.  Instead, I learned how to manipulate what I ate to achieve a 2lb weight loss per week.   In doing that I began to have an unhealthy relationship with food once again.  This time I was afraid to eat certain things like "carbs" thinking this is what made me fat.  I didn't really work out because I was told lifting weights would make me gain weight instead of lose it.  Looking back the whole program was shit, but it got me results and in this world that is what the consumer wants - results.

During the summers of 2005 and 2006 I worked at two weight loss camps on the East Coast.  These places were great because it created a bubble where all I had to do was work out, watch overweight kids, and eat "healthy well balanced" food made for me.  So I lost more, this time the "healthy" way and was down to 210lb by the Fall 2006.  I looked damn good, but all I saw in the mirror was a fat girl who was just less fat.  No one warned me about the whole mental aspect of weight loss - not at LA weight loss, Weight Watchers, of the two camps I went to - and I didn't see it coming.  How does someone deal with looking at a whole new body and person after seeing themselves a certain way for 25 years?  To look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you is a mind-fuck (excuse the language, but it really is).  So as I was trying to wrap me head around the new physical me I was also dealing with the death of my father, a crazy ass mother, living in a city that I hated, and completing a Ph.D. program. (Really I was dealing with life and how it can bitch slap you up the face three times and then bend you over, but again I digress..)  That is the thing fat camps and weight loss programs don't do.  They don't really teach you how to live in the real world and embrace a new lifestyle of healthy eating and exercise.

The Problem with the Biggest Loser Show

So over the next 3 years I went up and down in weight as I balanced a stressful Ph.D. program, applying for grants, and a new relationship.  The relationship was a good thing - we are still together and Mike moved to the UK with me to start a new life.  But the other junk really took over my life and so I fell right back into bad habits that I picked up as a kid.  I let food, and now alcohol, become my escape instead of running or lifting weights.  Issues with my mom, which I will write on in a future post, began to come back and cut away at my self esteem.  Being in academia with all the inherent psychological racism and elitism cut down the drive I had to keep going.  So I stopped eating healthy and I drank alot, ballooning back up to 280lbs by the summer of 2009.

This picture was hard for me to look at, but it was a reality check.  I moved away from East Lansing, MI July 6, 2009 and left for a 2 month trip around SE Asia, Istanbul, and Barcelona before settling with Mike in Bristol, England.  Throughout that trip I was uncomfortable, lazy, hot, and sad.  I saw amazing sights and met wonderful people but I didn't feel like me.  I was back to how I felt when I was 21 leaving college and going to Louisiana.  I had to take a step back and start re-evaluating what the hell I wanted out of life.  In order for me to be happy with myself I had to take control over what I put in my body as well as what I did with my body.  Did I want to be 30 and unable to walk - no.  Did I want to wake up with constant back pain the rest of my life - no. Did I want to buy another wardrobe because I couldn't fit into my clothes - no.   That is when I decided that I needed to start training for something and the half-marathon came to mind.

Now, I am down 10lbs, with a goal of getting to under 200lbs and 20-18% body fat by August 31, 2010.  It really is not that hard to lose weight - it is called eating sensibly and exercising.  Calories in vs calories out, but that is not sexy and it requires...guess what...WORK.   I am ok with that.  The other ways seemed like quit fixes for me - eat these things and you will lose weight or go away to a fat camp and shed all that unwanted excess lovin.  But really it took me years to put on the weight so it might take years to get it off.  Like I said in my first post I am happier all around now as I am living in place I like and have a boyfriend that is supportive and who I love.  I also started to invest financially in me - instead of eating out 3-5 times a week or going drinking I pay to have a trainer once a week and do yoga with an instructor once a week as well.  I keep a food journal and write down what goes in my mouth - this helped me see what I was actually putting in my body which allowed me to see all the crap I was disposing inside myself.  Then, as all academics do, I read a book that really helped me rethink the whole "dieting culture."

The Body Fat Solution.  I love this book - and no I am not trying to promote it for profit - it was the only pic I found that I could drag to my desktop and put in the blog!  But anyway, I like how Venuto first addressed the psychological aspects of weight gain and weight loss before he even thought about going into food and exercise.  He starts with explaining the power of the mind, citing scientific studies as his form of proof.  He says that positive thinking is a great thing - but not in the vein of The Secret.  He contends that when you start to think that you can do something, and you create vision boards, give yourself daily affirmations, and create goals that work towards the result, then you are training your mind to actually accomplish that goal.  So the positive thinking, or reinforcement, gets you to take action towards accomplishing something - like weight loss.  Honestly, this makes commonsense - but as my dad use to day not all sense is common (thanks Dad).

So the fact that he is grounded in science helped me to see the connection between the spiritual awaking of positive consciousness and the physical reality of "diet and exercise." 


I find creating goals, setting targets, and having a plan allow me to balance the various parts of my life.   Really, it is not that much more work.  We all plan our days, our weeks, even our years.  Our calendars are full of "to do lists" about work and social life, so why not include your physical and mental life on it as well.  If we don't take of our mind and bodies then how in the hell are we to be productive in any other aspects of our lives?  Don't believe the hype - you can't lose 30 lbs in 30 days if it took you 5 months to put it on - I mean it is simple math.  But you can take the same amount of time it took to put on the weight and work it off.  That is what I am planing to do. It took me really a year to put on the 70 lbs I gained and so I am expecting a year to take it off and then a lifetime of committing myself to truly loving my mind, body, and soul to keep it off.  Yet, this doesn't mean me trying to fit into some "ideal acceptable type."  Being physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy is my goal - not fitting into a size 4 jean because it is trendy.   That is where lots of people get mixed up - losing weight because you are unhealthy and your body yearns to be at a smaller more manageable weight is very different then losing weight because you feel pressured by society, your friends, or your family to fit some ideal.  So if you are on your own weight loss journey make sure you first understand WHY you are doing so before you begin.

Next time - yoga...