Thursday, May 13, 2010
Stress is a pain in the ass. For me stress has become one of those friends that you know you have to talk to but you really can't stand being around them for more than 5 minutes cause they have a high pitched voice that makes you just want to bash their face into a concrete floor to numb the pain from your ears... Ok, maybe I took that a little to far, but you see what I mean.
I am in the process of organising my first conference. Collaborating with a senior researcher from London Southbank University we are putting on a conference called: Exploring Race and Ethnicity through the Arts on June 10th. I will be debuting my first short story called "Uncomfortable" which Samantha Moy and Celeste Ramos have both helped tremendously on in editing and fine tuning. I submit the story to an anthology of short stories about the experiences of mixed race women in North America. If I am accepted it will be my first published piece! If I am rejected it will be my first rejection of a short story that I submitted as a published piece - so either way a milestone is done.
On top of that I am working 3 days a week for an organisation as a researcher/grant writer/policy analysts/office bitch (oh did I say that), drafting another version of a working paper for online publication, coming up with ideas for an article that I have to submit to a journal within the year as part of my obligations for student visa, and still working on my dissertation which is now going to have be done by May 2011 since one more of my committee members is leaving Michigan State to go onto greener pastures. Then I decide to take up running as a personal sport so am training for another half marathon with a marathon in the works for next March along with trying to shed the last of this baby fat that has been clinging onto my body since birth. Damn, I am tired just thinking about it.
But with all of this comes my good old friend stress. Now I have had a long and hard relationship with this beast - at times it has motivated me and gotten me to finish that last assignment, submit that last grant, or complete that last requirement. Other times it has given me headaches and stomach problems, made my hair start to turn grey, and made me want to go to sleep and not wake up in the morning. Right now stress is making its way back into my life, but this time we need to re-evaluate our relationship. I know people say you should meditate, do yoga, work out, or not take things so seriously. But you know what that advice can flippin annoying sometimes. What if you do take things seriously? What if finding your "chi" is not everyone's cup of tea? I do take things seriously - it is who I am. If I do something and my name is attached to it then damnit I want it done well and with quality. Working with other people to accomplish this will lead to a bit of stress as you negotiate between different perspective and ideas. I do run, but you can only for so damn long in a day before you get tired and running everyday is not an option. Meditation is cool, but I don't do it properly and I can't get my mind to calm down long enough to just "be". Yoga - ah look at my other posts on yoga.
I have to accept that I am a person that can get stressed out, but through the stress I get things done. Now, I am just trying to redirect my stress and not let others dictate where and how I can and should get stressed out. By this I mean I can't let someone else freaking out then freak me out so we are two freaked out hot messes. Trying to email people and negotiate with them on their ridiculous demands and questions can be a stress but I can't let that stress ME out. I'll try that thinking for now and see how it goes. If worse comes to worse I'll go off and find an abandoned log cabin somewhere in the woods and just "be"....for at least an hour and then come back to my email.