6 weeks

I have 6 weeks left of training before my half marathon September 5th in Bristol.  The problem is I haven't  gone longer than a 5 miler due to the hip and foot problems I've been having lately.  My first appointment with a GP (or doctor) is this Friday and hopefully the lady will refer me to a specialist in lower back/hip pain or to a sport doctor who has dealt with these issues in runners. 

There is no option to quit or just not do the race.  It's in my mind and once there it's hard to erase.  So, in the meantime I have decided to up the cross training big time.  Spinning three times a week on top of 2 lifting sessions and if i am luck 2-3 runs with one long run on Sunday's is the plan of action.  As long as I can hit a 10 miler before the half and keep my endurance up I know mentally I can do because the first half of the race is run on pure adrenaline and the second half of wanting to finish and have a beer (or at least this is how I run these things).

Anyone who has run a half or full marathon or done any other distance racing will tell you the worst part is the training.  Period. I mean who wants to go to bed at a decent time on the weekends just so you can get up on a Saturday or Sunday morning to go for a "quick 10-12 miler" before starting your day?  Drinking is curb dramatically as running hungover is not a pleasant experience.   Once I get into the marathon training, which happens right after I finish my half, I will be working up to 10 milers during the week with 18-20 mile long runs on the weekend. That shit doesn't sound like fun to me.  But the rewards outweigh the pain and to get my body into a shape that I can complete the training makes the actual race day a hell of a lot easier on my mind and body.  

But first things first - I'll see what this NHS business is all about and try and get my hip sorted.  I need rehab - I know that much but I don't want to keep guessing what kind and paying for things I just don't really like (pilates) or going to people who say I just shouldn't run (like the osteopath) or to plain dumbasses (like the physio).   Yoga would be good but I can't put pressure on my right shoulder anymore (pain in the ass really).  So, off to the doctor I go... I'll let you know what happens next.  

Frustration

Yesterday I made my way after work to one of the local running stores I frequent for running gear in order to see one of their physiotherapist that comes in twice a week.  I thought since the physio was affiliated with a well know and reputable running store that it would be a good idea to go and get my hips and ankles checked out.

 I am now 8 weeks from the Bristol half marathon and have only managed to get in a 4miler as my long run due to intense pain in my right hip, knee, and ankle.  Sleeping is becoming a bigger problem as lying on my back is a no-go due to my back injury.  After 15 seconds on my back my right leg begins to tingle and by 1 minute it's on fire.  This forces me to sleep on my side but sciatica makes sleeping on either hip for more than 30 minutes uncomfortable.  Now my left hip begins to scream in pain the longer I sleep on it making me toss and turn all night.  Last night I had to literally sit up in bed at 4 am and wait till the pain subsided before I did the toss dance once more until 8am.  So needless to say I am tired of being in pain and just plan old tired from not getting a full night sleep.  Topped with a job that is a little demanding and writing a dissertation I am one transcript away from bashing my own face into the floor, or at least from booking another short vacation where I can maybe take a breath before plunging back into the hell they call PhD writing.

Trying to think logically I decided on this physio. Now normally I am anal retentive and check out the history and performance of the people I am paying to see about my back/hips/knees.  I have been in pain since 2002 and so far I have seen a number of general doctors, sport doctors, osteopaths, neurologists, physiotherapists, osteopaths, yoga instructors, personal trainers and one pilates instructor.  For the most part I might feel less pain for a little but then over time another area gets infected and the pain comes back double time.  I refuse to have surgery as the idea of fusing my back is a little to extreme.  All I want is a program or routine that I can do to calm down the pain and allow me to sit, run, and sleep in minimum discomfort.  So the idea of a physio who treats runners sounds great to me.  I didn't do any other checks on this guy, I just signed up online for a 45 minute initial consultation and took my happy ass down to the store.

First, the physio was 50 minutes last in seeing me because he had another client.  Far enough - I can wait as I imagined some lean running physio who knows what they are talking about and can relate to someone who loves and needs to run.  When he finally came upstairs he was short, balding and had a belly.  Ok, ok - my imagination was shattered but I still had faith.  That was until we finally got down into the physio room and for 1 hour - that's 60 minutes - he  like talked at me and was more concerned about seeing me sit in front of a computer screen then looking at my stance or getting a full history.  I sat there and tried to recite to him my full medical history from the time of my back break to  the present.  I've only done this shit over 40 times in the past few years so know how to get the information out in a concise manner so that we can get down to treatment.  BUT NO...he kept talking about himself and how running 9 minutes was a big deal for him and about me getting a better desk and computer and how he was hoping to get me running again.

That was when I had enough and said - NO, I am ALEADY running and TRAINING for my SECOND HALF MARATHON and came here to see if you can HELP ME be in LESS PAIN while I train.  Then I explained I did a previous half last March in Prague and plan to do the Rome Marathon March 20 of next year.  I gave him my time for Prague and he had the cheek to comment on how slow that was!  THEN he proceded to make the comment that with the injuries and pain I have he was surprised that 1) I was still in a PhD program (don't ask cause I am still confused by this) and 2) that I was rather ambitious and very focus to be trying for these events.

Oh...but it doesn't stop there.  Then he kept asking me how I was funded as someone studying for this high of a degree from the States must be either 1) very bright or 2) well funded.  Which was I?  I looked at him and said "Well both."  By this time I want to gouge his eyes out.  But I didn't. I just waited until he was done.  Pissed that I had to pay him £45 for this shit he called a session he then said he would be with me all the way and that for the first few weeks we need to see each other twice a week for 45 minutes if not an hour depending on my finances. I looked at him and said I don't know, let me think about it and then walked outside into the fresh sunshine.

Pissed I found Mike up the street, ordered myself a Chai Latte (I wanted a damn shot but I am not drinking for a while - I'll write on that later), got into the car, had a nice rant, and then went home.

What now? I don't have a fuckin clue. All I can do is keep up with my workouts and incorporate more of a run/walk technique so that I finish a little faster but in less pain.  Some may ask - why run if it hurts?  I say it hurts more not to run.  It hurts more not to be in shape and not to the weight less.  It hurts more physically, mentally, and emotionally when I see my body loose its shape and hardness and turn into a pudgy hot mess.  I run to keep my fitness but also my sanity as I once again take on to many things.  I have to finish this PhD by next May and I want to. I want to being my 30s out of school  - it's like a fresh start for me really.  So I keep running and I'll keep searching for the doctor/osteo/physio that will work for me.  Until then I'll just be a slightly cranky bitch...

Half Marathon Number 2

This week marks the start of my 4 month training program for my second half marathon.  I'll run the Bristol half September 5, 2010.  A flat course around the city I will try to beat my time of 2:52 which shouldn't be that hard to do!


I'm using a different training program and adding on 4 more weeks of formal training to get myself 1) in better shape and 2) a faster time.  The last race in Prague was great but my injuries flared up bad at mile 10 causing me to walk the last 2 of the 3 miles.  Mental strength was what got me through as my right side was dead on arrival once I crossed the finish line.

Now, I train!  Can't lie, my body is hurtin already so going slowly into my mileage is the plan for now.  My hips ache at night and my right arch is usually on fire and tight but my pace has picked up quite nicely and I am learning how to stretch and strengthen my weak areas.  My visa has tied up a bit of my money so extras like pilates and sport massage have to be put on hold until the middle of the summer once the visa is secured.  So until then all I can do is remember what I learned in those sessions and do them on my own.  But, it's not so bad to be honest.  Running on a schedule gives me structure and helps me balance work, school and life.  The fact that I can even still run with the injuries I have sustained makes me amazed at what the human body can heal and endure.  So I will start to update my progress once again - the ups and downs, the body fat reduction and the pint consumption (cause really you have to balance the two) until I cross that line once again in the city where I live.

Ok, maybe the rhyming was a bit much but you see what I mean.

Prague

I ran my first half marathon on Saturday March 27, 2010 in the beautiful city of Prague under partly clouded skies in a sea of 7500 other people.  I ran that half marathon in memory of dad who passed on March 29, 2006.  In a time of 2:52:11, I crossed the finished line tired, thirsty, hungry, and proud.  Proud that I did my training, proud that I made it to the starting line, and proud that I never let negative thoughts cross my mind as I ran in the back for the whole race.

My nerves where on edge before the run.  The day of I didn't want to eat - my stomach kept churning and my bathroom breaks became much more frequent.  I managed to eat a bagel and a banana, loading up my pockets with my trusty GO Gels and my Ipod.  With my water bottle in one hand, my Canadian buff on my head (thanks Zoe!), and my race number pinned to the front I set off, finally crossing the start line 5 minutes after the gun went off.

Surprisingly I felt good for the first part.  I ran conservatively for the first 5K, trying to keep a steady pace.  For the next 10K my pace picked up a bit.  I ran next to various people from time to time, but for the most part I was by myself watching others in front of me or passing them to the side.  As I passed each the kilometer marker my confidence kind of grew.  I was actually running a half marathon!

Then...I hit...the wall.  Or something like it.  At 15 K my right leg started to give.  My hamstrings had enough, and they were telling me in a powerful way to stop.  I hadn't run longer than 10 miles so when I hit that marker and kept going my lower body started to rebel.  My dreams of a time of 2:30 went as my run turned into a run-walk which then turned into straight walking for at least 1 1/2 miles.  The people around me were also walking, all of us just trying to finish before the emergency vehicles behind us told us to stop.

But, I never had any negative thoughts - I just kept moving.  When I saw the 20K marker I knew I was almost there so I made my legs go faster, getting back up to running pace.  As I crossed the bridge I saw the crowds cheering and the blue carpet and my legs became faster.  I was actually going to finish a half marathon, I told myself.  As I crossed the finish line Mike was there with his trusty camera snapping the oh so not flattering pictures of a face twisted in exhaustion and pain.  But, I was so happy to see him there.  I fell into his arms and said "I am never doing that shit again."

Here I am, 2 days later and still a bit sore.  My knees are a bit shattered and the right IT band is not happy, but I did it.  And, I plan to do it again in October somewhere in Europe.  That race was one of the first times  I can remember where I was just being.  Although I had my Ipod in, after the first hour I was barely listening to the music. Instead, I was taking it all in - the city, the cobbled stones (which I might add are a bitch to run on), the other runners.  I was just there and it was nice: no thoughts of papers, articles, readings, moving, professors.  It was just me, my body and mind working together to get through the race.  At kilometer 12 I remember looking up into the cloudy sky and asking my dad to help me get through the race and it hit me that running is saving me.  Running is saving me from a life of worry and sadness, from anger and self hating.  When I run I feel alive, and I feel as if I know why I live.  I am not fast now and I don't really need to be (although I will try to improve on that time cause damn it was a long time to be out there on a flat course), but I like the feeling of going out there for a long time and seeing what the body can do.   This body is made to move.

Training

It's been 12 weeks since I started my training program for the half marathon in Prague.  On Saturday morning, March 27th, at 11 am my foot will be on the starting line (well in the back of the pack) and I will run my first 13.1 mile race.  A flat fast 1 loop course in the heart of the city around the river, the race is suppose to have bands/music every kilometer and beer at the end (what more can you ask for).  But, as every cliche sport movies, or your old high school/college coach tells you, it is not about the destination but the journey.

My journey involved a 12 week training schedule that I started January 4, 2010.  Beforehand I was working out, trying to shed some weight from my frame and build a decent mileage base.  But once January hit I knew I had to get on a training program and then, well, stick to the damn thing until race day appeared.  I found a schedule that was do-able for a scared first timer whose longest run ever was a 4 miler, once, when I was "attempting" to train for a half marathon right before I left for a 3 week holiday to Thailand.  Needless to say a bad case of travellers diarrhoea on the way back and a long, hard, cold Michigan winter nipped that idea before it ever really got started.

But this time I told myself that I just had to suck it up and do the damn thing.  So run I did, along with the strength training and rehab on my hip.  With each mile I put in I discovered that I cold actually run!  It is an amazing feeling to know that the thing I see "other people who are smaller/faster/younger/older than me" do I can also do myself.

Through running I rediscovered my non academic side - the side of me that just likes to be active for active sakes.  To be sweaty and so physically exhausted that by 8pm on a Saturday night my bed looks a hell of a lot more enticing then a pub/bar, nice clothes, or makeup - and I don't feel "lame" or bad about it.  I found a new spark in life, even through the stress of fieldwork, reports, talks, and now the dreaded data analysis and write-up phase to come.  And you know what...it's kind of nice. It's nice to know that I can release from stress by putting on my trainers and going outside for a run or hike rather than sitting in a pub or in my living room drowning my sorrows in a pint, seeing the pounds pack on around my waist, and then having some more cause I feel overweight.

Now, I am not saying all is perfect in the little land of England - but it is stable and I like that.  Writing down in my running journal every run gave me a sense of accomplishment and as the weeks went on I could see my mileage slowly improving along with my times.  My feet felt lighter and my waist smaller.  The puffiness in my face began to disappear, wiping away the relics of a year of bad habits.  I found out over these past 12 weeks that I can start, and now finish, a running schedule.

So after Saturday I'll enjoy 2 days more in Prague, come back to Bristol and move house, prepare an article and a talk, and find another race to run.  Keeping the balance between career and personal life is hard at best, but I realised with the right training plan in hand all things can be possible.

27 days and not a drop to drink

In 24 days I run my first half marathon.  After a good 7 mile run last Saturday and a consistent 3 times a week running schedule (mid distance tempo run, sprint session, and long duration run) with 2 weight training and 1 Pilates sessions a week I feel good about my chances of finishing the 13.1 miles.  I am loosing fat and gaining lean muscle and overall feeling much stronger and fitter.  But, I have a vice that I find hard to ignore in times of stress, happiness, sadness, celebration, defeat...hell in anything really that I can use as an excuse.  Some of you may be thinking cigarettes - no, don't touch the stuff and get sick from smelling it.  Others of you may be thinking sex - again no, like doing it but to be honest I can't be bothered sometimes cause I just want to sleep and not put to much effort into it (sorry Mike!).  

My vice, my sweet vice is in the form of strong Belgian beers, good smooth wines, and the occasional Scottish mid-price whiskey on the rocks with a dash of coke.  Ahhh. liquor how I do love to conversate with you from time to time.  Now, I don't actually drink that much anymore - after two I get a bit tipsy and by my third I just want some Chinese and the bed.  But, I do like a drink now and then and once that Belgian beer, in all its hoppiness and bite, hits my lips and makes it way down my throat to the pit of my stomach, I am in heaven (well, I am at least happy and wishing I was in heaven).  But, lets be real - the older I get the more liquor affects my performance (mentally and physically), and the more in shape I am the harder liquor hits me.  One or two innocent drinks on a Friday night leave me in hung over, stomach aching, headache land the next morning.  Trust me smelling last nights drinks during an early morning run sweating out through your pores is not a pretty thing at all - especially when the mileage keeps going up and all you want to do is lay down in the middle of the road and hope someone comes by and just runs over you to make the pain go away (ok, maybe I exaggerate a little, but it still sucks).

So, my lips shall not touch a drink until the half marathon is complete.  Honestly, this may be a bigger challenge than the half marathon itself!  Yesterday walking past a pub after seeing a few houses all I wanted was a pint.  Just...one...pint - but I said no and walked on pass and had sushi and green tea instead. 

Some of you may be saying - why put yourself through this?  Just have a damn pint!  But, I want to test myself and see if remaining dry for 27 days helps my performance.  Commonsense says it should, but remember Papa Truesdell always said not all sense is common.  I guess this is a little experiment of sorts.  How good can/will be body feel after not touching booze for an extended period of time?  They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit so after 27 I should be in the "habit" of not drinking...or it will just make that first sip of beer so much sweeter.

Health while running

I have 6 weeks until I go to Prague, put my foot on the race line, and attempt to run 13.1 miles in 2 1/2 hours (my goal).  Now, over the past few years I have wanted to do a long distance race.  Don't ask me why but it has always been a dream of mine to compete in endurance races.  To test the limits of my mind and body.  For so long I participated in team sports with games every weekend and practice everyday - a constant state of competition, against other teams in the hopes of a victory and against teammates to keep a spot on the court rather  than the bench.

As I approach 30 years of age in a year I realize I am tired of competition.  I have to compete for funding to do my research, compete to gain and then retain a job.  I don't want or need to compete in sports as well, I just need to push my own limits and "compete" against myself.  What can I do?  How far can I go?  Will my body hold out?  Call me crazy but this excites me much more now than lacing up my gym shoes and stepping onto the volleyball court and proving myself to others.  I miss the sport, don't get me wrong, but my mind and body are just not there anymore.  At this time I find the lure of half marathons, marathons, trial races, ultra races, mountain hiking exciting - I can't suppress the smile as I think about this.

But (and there is always a but) it also seems as if my fear and apprehension is also impeding these dreams.  A few years back I began to train for a marathon while studying in Baton Rouge for my Masters.  I  had begun to focus on my own personal health, loosing weight and taking up running.  But as I began to slowly increase my miles my fears played up and I became "sick" - my body slowly taking on aches and pains that "forced" me to stop running.  Stop I did.  Then in the second year of my Ph.D I began to run again, signing up for 5Ks whenever I could.  I was lean, mean, and tan (well until the winter came) - but again I became "sick."  After a trip to Guatemala I came back and found out I had a parasite that left my stomach in knots - not pretty but not really life threatening (just the runs from time to time).  The doctor said I could run, just not long distances because of the stomach and the fact that my body was not "made" to run.  My knock-knees and tall frame were seen as abnormal for the running world so I gave in and stopped.

Now, I am down 10% body fat and 2 stones (about 28 lbs).  I have been running since September along with weight/bodyweight training and rehabilitation to strengthen my core.  Overall I feel stronger, look better and am enjoying my life.  But (and there is always a but) it seems as if a part of me is trying to sabotage my own goals.  For the last 3 weeks my body is rebelling - first random bruises on my legs and excessive tiredness, then an increased resting heart rate (from 49 to 79), then a sore throat and sore ears with a cough (that likes to kick in when I am sleeping), and today nausea, upset stomach, diarrhoea, and achy joints (I sound like a damn Pepto Bismol commercial).


 It could be I am overtraining or that my drop in body fat is leaving my immune system weak during the winter.  Who knows, but what I do know is that I don't plan to give in.  I paid the entrance fee, bought the plane tickets, booked the hotel, have the training journal with a 12 week plan, and have the drive to finish.  So I guess there is still a competitive edge in me - I can't stand to give up on something that I told everyone I am doing.  Therefore, I'll keep posting on this blog, on Facebook, in emails, on the phone and in person that on March 27, 2010 I will be running a half marathon in Prague with the goal of finishing and proving to myself that I am a runner.

It's Official

No - I'm not pregnant...or engaged.  This is something more important than that. 

You ever get that tight feeling in your stomach when you open up a letter (or email) and realize that whatever you signed up for or did is now official because if it written down? Well, I got that feeling today as I opened an email from the Hervis Prague Half Marathon committee telling me my registration was now "official" (even though I signed up in November), my start number is F1044, and that I am to take this letter with me when I pick up my number and goodie bag.

Looks like I'm running 13.1 miles on March 27, 2010 in Prague and you know what I want to throw up.  I guess it's that mix of fear, excitement, uncertainty, stupidity, and down right anxiety.  Can I make it?  Can I complete the training?  Why am I really doing this?  Will my body hold up?  What the fuck am I thinking (excuse my French, but you know it gives it that extra zing)? 

Really, the training is the hardest part.  Keeping to this half marathon schedule that just looks at me day in and day out when I am in my office working or in the kitchen eating is what worries me the most.  The diagnosis of sciatica from the osteopath with the warning of no weights and no running doesn't help either.  As she worked on my lower back this past Monday thoughts raced through my mind.  I am ok forgoing the intense weight workouts and replacing them with pilates and body weight routines.  To be honest it is better for my joints and should help me in sculpting a physique I desire and can maintain until weights are my friend once again.  But the running - can't let go of it man.  Every time I have said I was to run a half marathon in the past some injury has gotten in the way.  Now some would say that it's a "sign" from "somewhere" that maybe running long distance is not for me.  But, if you know me then you know I see it as a sign that I need to get off my ass, suck it up, log the miles, and run across that damn finish line on March 27 in a city where I have never been.  So, it's official - I'm running 13.1 miles.

Me

I have tried many times to begin this blog, but didn't know what to talk about or what to do.  I see friends create them to update world travels, display new dishes they have made, or talk about the joys of new found motherhood.  But me, I had no idea what to talk about.  Then I had the famous "revelation in the shower" and realized I like to talk about, read about, and think about sports.  Yes, I am an academic and I can debate about anything from politics to race to nation to identity.  But really, in the long run it gets old...and who cares?  You are who you are - but that doesn't get you funded so I leave those debates in the academic and political realms of society.

Instead I want to talk about me - my actual life goals and what I want to get out of this life.  I have lost and gained weight over the past 6 years, thinking that if I was "smaller" I would be happier.  Instead I have found myself going up and down in emotions, hating life at one minute and then embracing it the next.  Exercising like a maniac and then eating and drinking myself into depression. The death of my father, graduate school, relationships - general life really - has placed me on a roller coaster. At one point I thought I had no control over the ride, no brakes or steering that would allow me to control the next direction.

Now, I have taken back the reins and re-evaluated this thing called life.  I have let fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and good old doubt kept me from doing the things I have only dreamed about.   What has been the difference you ask?  For the first time I have decided where I want to live and what I want to do. I moved to Bristol, England to finish my degree with no real intentions to leave. I decided what I wanted to study and now I am deciding what I want to do with this thing called life.  So I being my journey of conquering the fears that have held me back for so long.

I want to run in long distance races, compete in triathlons, learn yoga, become a spin instructor, rock climb, and climb mountains - no really climb real mountains around the world.  And why the hell not?  Life is worth living when you push your mind and body to the extremes.  Doctors told me I wouldn't be able to run with my knees, height, back, weight - but I run.  I was told I was not smart enough to get a Ph.d - but I am.  I was told I wouldn't get funded for my research - but I have.  So now I challenge myself to do the things that I have only dreamed about, and talked about, in a half-ass way. 

I start with a half-marathon.  The Prague Half Marathon to be exact.  March 28th, 2010. I paid the entrance fee, have a vision board created, a trainer working with me, and the fear of actually running 13.1 miles keeping me going.  So I use this blog to keep me honest, keep me motivated, and to keep track of my goals.   
Prague Half Marathon 2010