I went for a run yesterday. My first in almost 3 weeks. I had to...my body was aching for it and my mind could not focus without it. In my last post I talked about being more gentle with my body so I was suppose to lay off the roads and trails for a while and hit the yoga mat with some new found enthusiasm. Needless to say that lasted a whole...week. Something was missing from my life but I didn't really realize it was running per se until I picked up a book.
That book was Born to Run and my love of, and desire for, running came back in full force. You know what had me? The second chapter when Christopher Mc Dougall went in search of the answer to the question "Why does my foot hurt?" I have been asking that same damn question over and over again for months (along with why does my hip, lower back, knee hurt as well). I almost bought into the idea I have been told over and over again by doctors, friends, and trainers since I was 22 that my body just isn't built for running. Almost that is until I opened up this book and soaked up the story that Chris (yea we are on a first name basis now) unfolds in Born to Run.
Chris and I have a few things in common - we are both 6'3" and weigh around the same (240lbs - yea I said it). While Chris is a middle-aged white male who writes for various men's magazines and sports journals and I am a late-20s mixed race female who is writing a dissertation, I felt a bond with Chris while reading his story. We are connected by our body type: our height and weight somehow makes our bodies "wrong" to other people, in various ways, when it comes to running. Like Chris I was also recommended to take up swimming or biking (both sports that I only recently learned how to do and do not do very well). Years of playing high school and college volleyball left me sick to death of team sports and a herniated disc made me have an aversion to any kind of jumping. All that aside I just like the feeling of throwing on some shoes, getting outside and having my body move at a faster than walking pace for a long duration of time. My first half marathon in Prague this year left me not only sore but happy - a genuine happiness that didn't fade, even when my hip flared up at mile 10. I was just happy to be there and be able to move with other people around me. In my training I found myself a little giddy after an hour of running as my body was just moving in this fluid (well maybe not fluid but let's just go with that) motion for long periods of time (or what seems like a long time for me).
So long story short the book got me thinking about the benefits of barefoot running. If Chris could go from being a tall big guy with a bad case of planter fasciities to running a gruelling 50 mile race with some of the best ultramarathon runners in the US and Mexico's Tarahumara people, and finish that race in one piece, by learning barefoot running then why not try it (or give a go as the Brits say).
Give it a go I did - kind of on accident. Yesterday I went to the gym and took off for an outdoor run to the nearby open grasslands. I started off in shoes cause I was still a little skeptical (plus the concrete and broken glass didn't leave me to thrilled about starting in bare feet). But after only 5 minutes of running in those neutral cushioned shoes my right Achilles felt like it was going to tear and my right hip was getting that first tingling of discomfort. So I broke into a walk for 4 minutes and started again with a light run. This time the pain was instant and I was pissed. I stepped off the walking path onto the grass, took off my shoes and socks, placed a shoe in each hand and...took off. I just ran. Slow at first but as the minutes passed my confidence grew until I was running at a pace I hadn't run at in 4 years. And you know what, it felt good. I scared myself at one point cause it felt so good and I was going so fast that I just stopped and looked around. I was't out of breathe and my legs didn't feel like cinder blocks. Damn - it actually worked. It worked so well that I didn't realized I ran in the wrong direction and had to stop to figure out where the hell I was.
I put my shoes back on so I could take the marked gravel road and trotted on back the gym parking lot and arrived just as Mike was leaving. I gave him a huge smile and said "I just went barefoot running!" He said "Oh, how did it go?" My reply "Amazing!" I felt like a kid again and for the first time in months I actually ENJOYED going out for a run. But with the cold months coming I am looking into a more minimal shoe or the five finger shoes.
What I do know is it looks like I just brought my running, and sexy, back.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Gentle
While I was in yoga class today attempting to "relax" into a side bending, squatting, stretching pose (don't ask me the name cause I don't have a clue) I had a revelation. I don't think it was the big "Enlightenment" but rather a small "enlightenment" that made me realize I need to be much gentler with myself. Let me explain.
Over the years I have engaged in numerous sporting events. Basketball and softball throughout high school and volleyball all through college. I attempted rugby at one point and considered playing football (American) during these times as well. The list of injuries I accumulated is a never-ending one: concussion (I mean who slides into a brick wall instead of home plate?), sprained ankles, dislocated fingers, busted nose, strained shoulder, and one broke back and dead leg. But I always thought, well I seem to heal fast so what the hell - just keep going.
Then somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that maybe team sports were not the way to go. College volleyball wore me out, mentally and physically, and the thought of having to be on one more team with one more bitchy coach left a bad taste in my mouth. So I turned to running.
Running. A sport of individuality that can be done in a group but you compete on your own. No fancy equipment really needed, just some decent shoes and breathable clothes, open space and on you go. But, that back injury and dead leg thing from my college days stayed with me throughout my running. Once that was somewhat under control I then developed...fuckin sciatica! So now I can put that to the list of injuries along with a tight IT band on my left side and a pinch nerve in my right shoulder (who in the hell pinches a shoulder nerve in running? I do) and tense neck muscles. Essentially I am verging (or am I already there) on being a HOT...ASS...MESS.
Today in yoga as my body protested with every upward dog, downward dog, side bend, back bend, kneeing and sitting posture it hit me that I need to be more gentle with myself. Gentle is a word I don't use when describing my relationship with myself. I go hard or go home - not use to any other way of understanding how to do things. I powered through my education, never stopping on the quest to a PhD and I am making my deadline of finishing before 30. I powered through grief of loosing my dad and of trying to loose all the weight it took me years to put on. Now I am fully aware that my body just can't power through another damn run or gym session when it is obviously telling me to slow (or sit) the fuck down and chill out. I think it is time to listen this time around.
So I am re-evaluating my physical activity goals and giving myself a bit more flexibility in my time frame for all those competitions I want to do. I am keeping up this yoga thing cause "everyone" tells me it is good for my body and mind. Even though I wanted to throw up and sit down at the same time while in class today I have to agree. Come on, where else would I learn that I not only have tight hamstrings, tight hips, tight groin muscles but ALSO tight ankles (to the degree where me and child's pose are not even associates yet) and then LEARN how to "breathe" into the tightness to loosen it up?
I could easily say F it and go back to what I know - pounding the roads and hitting the weights hard but...I really don't want to. And that is a good thing I think. Self-realization is a bitch, but when you actually start listening to your body the things it tells you are amazing. So simple, yet so true. That simplicity is what I forget sometimes. Of course it makes more sense for me to take a few months and focus on my flexibility and hit the pool and bike to take the stress off my joints and nerves. Of course it makes more sense for me NOT to train for my first marathon and run it while I am are also writing and scheduled to defend my dissertation so I can graduate after 12 years of higher education. Of course it makes sense to practice activities that calm my mind so I can handle the current and impending stress. But as my dad use to say...not all sense is common and not all people have sense.
Over the years I have engaged in numerous sporting events. Basketball and softball throughout high school and volleyball all through college. I attempted rugby at one point and considered playing football (American) during these times as well. The list of injuries I accumulated is a never-ending one: concussion (I mean who slides into a brick wall instead of home plate?), sprained ankles, dislocated fingers, busted nose, strained shoulder, and one broke back and dead leg. But I always thought, well I seem to heal fast so what the hell - just keep going.
Then somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that maybe team sports were not the way to go. College volleyball wore me out, mentally and physically, and the thought of having to be on one more team with one more bitchy coach left a bad taste in my mouth. So I turned to running.
Running. A sport of individuality that can be done in a group but you compete on your own. No fancy equipment really needed, just some decent shoes and breathable clothes, open space and on you go. But, that back injury and dead leg thing from my college days stayed with me throughout my running. Once that was somewhat under control I then developed...fuckin sciatica! So now I can put that to the list of injuries along with a tight IT band on my left side and a pinch nerve in my right shoulder (who in the hell pinches a shoulder nerve in running? I do) and tense neck muscles. Essentially I am verging (or am I already there) on being a HOT...ASS...MESS.
Today in yoga as my body protested with every upward dog, downward dog, side bend, back bend, kneeing and sitting posture it hit me that I need to be more gentle with myself. Gentle is a word I don't use when describing my relationship with myself. I go hard or go home - not use to any other way of understanding how to do things. I powered through my education, never stopping on the quest to a PhD and I am making my deadline of finishing before 30. I powered through grief of loosing my dad and of trying to loose all the weight it took me years to put on. Now I am fully aware that my body just can't power through another damn run or gym session when it is obviously telling me to slow (or sit) the fuck down and chill out. I think it is time to listen this time around.
So I am re-evaluating my physical activity goals and giving myself a bit more flexibility in my time frame for all those competitions I want to do. I am keeping up this yoga thing cause "everyone" tells me it is good for my body and mind. Even though I wanted to throw up and sit down at the same time while in class today I have to agree. Come on, where else would I learn that I not only have tight hamstrings, tight hips, tight groin muscles but ALSO tight ankles (to the degree where me and child's pose are not even associates yet) and then LEARN how to "breathe" into the tightness to loosen it up?
I could easily say F it and go back to what I know - pounding the roads and hitting the weights hard but...I really don't want to. And that is a good thing I think. Self-realization is a bitch, but when you actually start listening to your body the things it tells you are amazing. So simple, yet so true. That simplicity is what I forget sometimes. Of course it makes more sense for me to take a few months and focus on my flexibility and hit the pool and bike to take the stress off my joints and nerves. Of course it makes more sense for me NOT to train for my first marathon and run it while I am are also writing and scheduled to defend my dissertation so I can graduate after 12 years of higher education. Of course it makes sense to practice activities that calm my mind so I can handle the current and impending stress. But as my dad use to say...not all sense is common and not all people have sense.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Work Plan
The hardest thing about writing a dissertation is trying to do to much. I had a rough last week with overwhelming stress from writing and feelings of neglecting work and running. This weekend I spent mostly in my house on my couch physically and mentally exhausted. Downloading songs to run to from the 90s and early 2000s made me think back to times when I was less in my head and more in the moment. It's amazing how powerful music is on the psyche and after an intensive downloading session Sunday afternoon I began to understand that I need to re-evaluate my work plan
So what is this work plan you ask? Well, basically I don't need to do so much. Period. It really is simple in theory but harder in execution. I am not writing a masterpiece and I don't want to. I actually can't stand the damn dissertation and once I am done want to go in a different research trajectory anyway. This is not unusual - after you spend anywhere from 5-10 years on a research project it essentially gets old and you move onto other interests. I prefer to look more at economic inequality and the effects government policies have on disadvantaged communities if I were to take a research focused job. I also prefer to write books - still figuring out what kind but I have an idea and a basic outline on paper for when I am finished with the dissertation. Hell I wouldn't even mind writing speeches of press releases as long as I was able to use my brain and writing skills for some type of betterment of society.
But in the meantime I have to get my work plan in order. Once running started to feel like another thing I needed to do I knew I had taken this school thing a bit to far. Let's be real - I am technically still a student and so I am technically still learning how to be a PhD. The last step is learning how to write up a research project in a longer format than is really necessary. Nothing more.
But reality is setting in and once Mike has a job I will able to stop my current one and focus solely on finishing this degree. Until that happens I know I need to calm my body and mind so I am starting yoga once again. And I am practising on my breathing. It's funny how the most basic thing a human needs to survive is one of the hardest things to learn how to do effectively.
I can be dramatic, but last week was more than me being a dramatic Leo. It was a wake up call. To slip in and out of depressive states at such an intensive rate is giving into the meanings other attach to life and not my own. Lets be real - I don't want to do that. When it comes down to it I want to listen to music, run in the woods, write in comfort and live a life that I can enjoy. So I hope you all can enjoy a little bit of the music that reminded me of the joy of life this weekend.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Suffocating
You ever get that feeling of suffocating? You know when you throat starts to slowly close and your breathe becomes short. When you can't seem to focus and all you want is one full gasp of air. I sometimes feel like I am suffocating. Like I can't just get a full intake of air. My body is constantly tense, my neck a tight mess. The feeling of being trapped takes over and I just want to scream and run out...run out, but I don't know where.
I don't write here alot anymore because my days are filled with endless writing for school and work. By the time I am done I am so mentally and physically tired my body reacts with feelings of nausea and fatigue. With headaches and body pain. I finally saw a specialist for my pain. I hoped it would just be a muscular imbalance, but he gently explained it was actually a mental and emotional one. By body is reaching out to me and telling me to stop. The constant ache does not go away, but rather is there day after day...after day, reminding me that I need to stop and try to play. But I am forgetting how - and I don't know when I will be able to really just sit, relax, and allow my body and mind the rest it needs.
I don't want to call it a depression...I guess I am in a recession. That downward spike that will naturally occurs in any economy when there has been too many years of excess. I don't know when that excess occurred but it must have - I think. If not then maybe I am preparing myself for a new horizon..a new game...a new something. But for now I try and keep me head up high enough so that I can gasp the air I need now and then.
I go back and forth with the idea of yoga - can I really fit in something else? Can I try and learn something new? Will this be the answer to my pains? Will this allow me to become enlightened? To find my direction? No...I am already seeing my running as another chore, another thing I must "do". Most of the time I just want to Fuck It and start anew. Start anew. Start anew. I think I just want someone to talk to...
I don't write here alot anymore because my days are filled with endless writing for school and work. By the time I am done I am so mentally and physically tired my body reacts with feelings of nausea and fatigue. With headaches and body pain. I finally saw a specialist for my pain. I hoped it would just be a muscular imbalance, but he gently explained it was actually a mental and emotional one. By body is reaching out to me and telling me to stop. The constant ache does not go away, but rather is there day after day...after day, reminding me that I need to stop and try to play. But I am forgetting how - and I don't know when I will be able to really just sit, relax, and allow my body and mind the rest it needs.
I don't want to call it a depression...I guess I am in a recession. That downward spike that will naturally occurs in any economy when there has been too many years of excess. I don't know when that excess occurred but it must have - I think. If not then maybe I am preparing myself for a new horizon..a new game...a new something. But for now I try and keep me head up high enough so that I can gasp the air I need now and then.
I go back and forth with the idea of yoga - can I really fit in something else? Can I try and learn something new? Will this be the answer to my pains? Will this allow me to become enlightened? To find my direction? No...I am already seeing my running as another chore, another thing I must "do". Most of the time I just want to Fuck It and start anew. Start anew. Start anew. I think I just want someone to talk to...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Birthday
I turn 29 Saturday. Twenty flippin nine...and I'm still in school. I've been in school since the age of 3 so my mother tells me. Non-stop I have had a book in my face and a pencil/pen/keyboard in my hands. As I near the end of this long (and I do mean long) relationship with education I find myself a bit confused and whole lot of tired.
Writing, that is all I do. I wake up, get a cup of herbal tea, open my laptop, check the email/Facebook/newspapers for an hour and then start writing. Sometimes I don't know what the hell I am writing, but I do know just seeing the page numbers increase makes me feel like I am doing something. I treat it as another job - do something for at least 6-7 hours in the day, preferably between the hours of 9 and 5 and then stop. Problem is I am also working in a "real" job that to requires me three days a week to do something in front of the computer, preferably between the hours of 9 and 5. Balancing the work with school dissertation writing is already proving to be a bit to much, but what can you do when both need to get done and without one the other is just not as meaningful.
But this post is about my birthday. I'm turning 29 in case you forgot - don't worry I do as well sometimes. And...I'm still in school. I don't know why but this is bothering me a bit more than usual. I will graduate next May come hell or high water. I can't stomach the thought of going into my 30s still in school, not taking a break since the age of 3. It's like a bad haircut that you thought was the shit but over time realize that its a pain in the ass to up keep, expensive to boot, and the appeal start to slowly wear off making you just want to shave your head and start again.
I don't know what I want to do with my life if I am being honest. I saw an education as way out. A way out of the Southside, out of the State, out of my life. I saw education as the ticket to a better life where I would be able to understand what was going on around me and contribute in a fruitful way rather than turn up another statistic. Hell, so far education has lived up those expectations - I did get out and in the process traveld to places I would never had imagined, took up sports I deemed to be for other people not like me, met a man I would have never come across and moved to another country where I do have a part time job that has me knee-deep in politics, race equality and community activism. Shit...I really couldn't have asked for much more.
But I am tired and it is wearing on me mentally and physically. Education got me to where I am now, but I don't know if education will be able to get me to where I want to be. That may sound weird cause really having the education is opening up my eyes to all the possibilities in front of me so I guess it will always get me to where I want to be, but I am not sure if that will leave me into the academy after I graduate next May. The dream of being a professor is not there anymore and as I approach 30 the feeling gets stronger and stronger that the dreams of my 20s are quickly changing and morphing into new dreams for my 30s, That is a little scary, but overall exciting as who in the hell know what will happen.
I feel as if I am saying the same thing over and over, but it is like I have to in order to get it into my head that it's ok to change - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am still trying to come to terms with my physical changes and have just now realised I was self sabotaging myself every time I was getting closer to my "dream" goal size/ability. I don't want to do the same with my career goals - I spent to damn long in school and racked up to much debt to allow that to happen. (Again Sam if you can help me with the to, too situation I would be very appreciative)
So...I turn 29 on Saturday and all I want are good vibes and good times. I want to reassure myself that I can finish this dissertation and that I can start a new career path, whatever that may be. I can "not be in school" and I look forward to that day. I don't expect some rosy life is easy picture to magically emerge once I leave school and enter into a job, but I do expect something different that still challenges me mentally. As I leave my 20s I want to leave behind a lot of the insecurities and self doubt that plagued me and welcome my thirties with an open mind and heart.
Writing, that is all I do. I wake up, get a cup of herbal tea, open my laptop, check the email/Facebook/newspapers for an hour and then start writing. Sometimes I don't know what the hell I am writing, but I do know just seeing the page numbers increase makes me feel like I am doing something. I treat it as another job - do something for at least 6-7 hours in the day, preferably between the hours of 9 and 5 and then stop. Problem is I am also working in a "real" job that to requires me three days a week to do something in front of the computer, preferably between the hours of 9 and 5. Balancing the work with school dissertation writing is already proving to be a bit to much, but what can you do when both need to get done and without one the other is just not as meaningful.
But this post is about my birthday. I'm turning 29 in case you forgot - don't worry I do as well sometimes. And...I'm still in school. I don't know why but this is bothering me a bit more than usual. I will graduate next May come hell or high water. I can't stomach the thought of going into my 30s still in school, not taking a break since the age of 3. It's like a bad haircut that you thought was the shit but over time realize that its a pain in the ass to up keep, expensive to boot, and the appeal start to slowly wear off making you just want to shave your head and start again.
I don't know what I want to do with my life if I am being honest. I saw an education as way out. A way out of the Southside, out of the State, out of my life. I saw education as the ticket to a better life where I would be able to understand what was going on around me and contribute in a fruitful way rather than turn up another statistic. Hell, so far education has lived up those expectations - I did get out and in the process traveld to places I would never had imagined, took up sports I deemed to be for other people not like me, met a man I would have never come across and moved to another country where I do have a part time job that has me knee-deep in politics, race equality and community activism. Shit...I really couldn't have asked for much more.
But I am tired and it is wearing on me mentally and physically. Education got me to where I am now, but I don't know if education will be able to get me to where I want to be. That may sound weird cause really having the education is opening up my eyes to all the possibilities in front of me so I guess it will always get me to where I want to be, but I am not sure if that will leave me into the academy after I graduate next May. The dream of being a professor is not there anymore and as I approach 30 the feeling gets stronger and stronger that the dreams of my 20s are quickly changing and morphing into new dreams for my 30s, That is a little scary, but overall exciting as who in the hell know what will happen.
I feel as if I am saying the same thing over and over, but it is like I have to in order to get it into my head that it's ok to change - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am still trying to come to terms with my physical changes and have just now realised I was self sabotaging myself every time I was getting closer to my "dream" goal size/ability. I don't want to do the same with my career goals - I spent to damn long in school and racked up to much debt to allow that to happen. (Again Sam if you can help me with the to, too situation I would be very appreciative)
So...I turn 29 on Saturday and all I want are good vibes and good times. I want to reassure myself that I can finish this dissertation and that I can start a new career path, whatever that may be. I can "not be in school" and I look forward to that day. I don't expect some rosy life is easy picture to magically emerge once I leave school and enter into a job, but I do expect something different that still challenges me mentally. As I leave my 20s I want to leave behind a lot of the insecurities and self doubt that plagued me and welcome my thirties with an open mind and heart.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Lost
I have to pull out of the Bristol half marathon. My right hip can't handle the mileage or the pain at this point. I realized this Sunday after running only 2 miles. I stopped, looked at Mike and started to cry. My frustrations crept up as I could feel my pace getting better and my stride becoming stronger, but my hip just gave up. I stretched and started again, this time only lasting another 10 minutes before my run turned into a jog and then a pathetic limp.
It was then it hit me in the face that I have 5 weeks left and have only completed a 4 miler for a long run - that just won't cut it for the 13 mile event. So I have to drop out and start again.
I'm waiting for the referral to a physio by the doctor I saw and need to go in and get x-rays done tomorrow of my right hip and lower back. But I've been down this route before and know what I really need is another MRI, a full back X-ray and someone to readjust my hips and rehab my back. That takes money I don't have and time I am loosing so I'll just have to make due and use my remedy of cutting the fat off my body, strengthening my core and stretching like crazy. However I do need some professional help so I need this damn referral to get here sooner rather than later.
Honestly, it hurts a bit. I had it in my mind to run this race and now that it is gone I am a little depressed. I still plan to run Rome marathon next March and will start a 6 month progression program for that in September. I am hoping by then to be in a rehab program that will work well with the training and have my shoulder in good enough shape to begin yoga once again (seems as if I tore something there but the doctor ignored it so I need to go back and have them look at that again - don't ask me how I did it cause I really don't know but it hurts like a bitch to raise my arm and I can't put weight on the damn thing).
Overall I am a little lost. The writing is overwhelming - trying to balance it and working is hard at best. The running gave me some balance but now I need to cut down the mileage so I am turning to spinning as an alternative and hitting the trails when I can to keep the pressure of the road off my hip. But it really doesn't feel the same as a long run on a Saturday morning...
I miss having close friends around and sometimes I go through periods of feeling utterly alone and hopeless. I want my mom which is strange since I have been on my own for over 10 years, but I guess every girl wants their mom at some point in their life no matter how fucked up or strange that relationshop. I try and go out but I get annoyed as I'm not drinking and I'm tired of people trying to push a drink down my throat or asking me the same boring ass questions week after week- "Where are you from? How long have you been here? Do you like it here? What do you study?" I've learned to never ask those questions to others as just trying to spit out those words makes my skin crawl.
Ok, so I am in an annoyed mood that may pass - don't know when but it will pass...
It was then it hit me in the face that I have 5 weeks left and have only completed a 4 miler for a long run - that just won't cut it for the 13 mile event. So I have to drop out and start again.
I'm waiting for the referral to a physio by the doctor I saw and need to go in and get x-rays done tomorrow of my right hip and lower back. But I've been down this route before and know what I really need is another MRI, a full back X-ray and someone to readjust my hips and rehab my back. That takes money I don't have and time I am loosing so I'll just have to make due and use my remedy of cutting the fat off my body, strengthening my core and stretching like crazy. However I do need some professional help so I need this damn referral to get here sooner rather than later.
Honestly, it hurts a bit. I had it in my mind to run this race and now that it is gone I am a little depressed. I still plan to run Rome marathon next March and will start a 6 month progression program for that in September. I am hoping by then to be in a rehab program that will work well with the training and have my shoulder in good enough shape to begin yoga once again (seems as if I tore something there but the doctor ignored it so I need to go back and have them look at that again - don't ask me how I did it cause I really don't know but it hurts like a bitch to raise my arm and I can't put weight on the damn thing).
Overall I am a little lost. The writing is overwhelming - trying to balance it and working is hard at best. The running gave me some balance but now I need to cut down the mileage so I am turning to spinning as an alternative and hitting the trails when I can to keep the pressure of the road off my hip. But it really doesn't feel the same as a long run on a Saturday morning...
I miss having close friends around and sometimes I go through periods of feeling utterly alone and hopeless. I want my mom which is strange since I have been on my own for over 10 years, but I guess every girl wants their mom at some point in their life no matter how fucked up or strange that relationshop. I try and go out but I get annoyed as I'm not drinking and I'm tired of people trying to push a drink down my throat or asking me the same boring ass questions week after week- "Where are you from? How long have you been here? Do you like it here? What do you study?" I've learned to never ask those questions to others as just trying to spit out those words makes my skin crawl.
Ok, so I am in an annoyed mood that may pass - don't know when but it will pass...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Dissertation Writing
I began to outline my dissertation today. I opened up my little folder entitled "dissertation information", clicked on the sub-folder that holds the Graduate School's detailed formatting instructions for the dissertation, and began to make files for the title page, table of contents, acknowledgements, and abstract. Now I am outlining chapter 1 and will begin to work on chapter 2 - due August 28th in the inbox of my advisor in preparation for our phone meeting August 31st. I will repeat this process for each chapter until the end of January. By February 7, 2011 I will have a completed first draft of the entire dissertation ready to submit to the full committee for their review.
As I began to type up the title page a warm feeling of satisfaction and disbelief permeated throughout my body. It's almost surreal...in less than a year I will done. I'm finishing the 12 year run I started since I left high school and the Southside of Chicago in 1999. Although this blog is about the new adventures I am taking I can't help but add this into the new journeys I am embarking on. I don't know if I every really imagined being done and now that I can see and taste the end all I want to do is fast forward to next May, walk across that stage, get my diploma, and start a new chapter in my life.
But we all know life doesn't operate in that fashion and I have to go through the ups and downs inherent within the writing and developing process of dissertation writing and job applying. I've already been turned down for one lecturer positon in the UK - but that was ok, I at least applied. The next application will be off to Oxford University for a 5 year post-doc position that would help me jump start my career. That also is a long shot but if I don't go for it then I will never know.
So now I get back to more writing before a training session latter on today.
As I began to type up the title page a warm feeling of satisfaction and disbelief permeated throughout my body. It's almost surreal...in less than a year I will done. I'm finishing the 12 year run I started since I left high school and the Southside of Chicago in 1999. Although this blog is about the new adventures I am taking I can't help but add this into the new journeys I am embarking on. I don't know if I every really imagined being done and now that I can see and taste the end all I want to do is fast forward to next May, walk across that stage, get my diploma, and start a new chapter in my life.
But we all know life doesn't operate in that fashion and I have to go through the ups and downs inherent within the writing and developing process of dissertation writing and job applying. I've already been turned down for one lecturer positon in the UK - but that was ok, I at least applied. The next application will be off to Oxford University for a 5 year post-doc position that would help me jump start my career. That also is a long shot but if I don't go for it then I will never know.
So now I get back to more writing before a training session latter on today.
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